Kids vs Horses

So some of my children-less horse loving friends and I were having a discussion about horse poop vs baby poop, and then horses vs children in general. I had to add my $0.02.

Well as a Mom of 4 I can honestly say horse poop smells 1000000x better than baby poop. And baby poop is INSIDE your house (not in an airy barn). As are the dirty diapers (even double bagged) til they get to the trash can (muck piles can be located conveniently downwind.

Thank goodness we are way past the diaper stage with our youngest - she is 3. And just to clarify for all you children-less folks, it really should be the terrible threes, not the terrible twos. Mallory was still sweet and amiable as a two year old. Now she is an evil heathen child and we all fear her wrath.

She has been sick for most of the past 6 weeks, 2 strep infections and just yesterday diagnosed with a UTI (had fevers of 104 yesterday and night before). So she is REALLY REALLY grumpy. I am bribing her with popsicles to take her Bactrim (horse people - can you imagine drinking crushed up SMZ tabs? Let me tell you, its really vile stuff). However the popsicle supply is getting low - and is top priority on the shopping list.

It took us all day yesterday to get her to pee in a cup for a urine culture. It is easier to get pee from a racehorse than from a 3 yo child. We tried at the Dr's office at ~2:30, and then again at the hospital lab in vain til they sent us home with a supply of sterile cups and plenty of castille soap wipes (just like you can use to clean up horsie legs, skin, genitals - castille in wipe form is amazing, must find it online for the track!). We had to return the pee by midnight or we would have to re-register and so began the pee in a cup mission.

I filled her up with lemonade, ran water in the bathroom, whistled at her, put warm washcloths on her wrists.... and she sat on the toilet and told me "But Mommy I just don't pee in cups." Explaining and insisting and bribing and finally about 7:00 we had pee in a cup. Darlin Darren took it straight back to the hospital (we live < 2 miles away) and the lab had closed, so as instructed he dropped it off in the ER, clearly marked with her name duct taped onto the container inside a plastic bag with her name written on it. Doctor told us not to begin antibiotic until we collected the urine sample, so she began the Bactrim last night after we had completed the pee in a cup mission. This morning she had her 2nd dose of Bactrim and shortly thereafter and I get a phone call. The lab calls me and tells me that yes, they have record that we did indeed drop the pee in a cup at the ER last night but it has unfortunately gotten lost in the ER and never made it to the lab. Do we have these problems with horses I ask you?? You bet the test barn never loses their horse pee in a cup. They even store samples for later testing!

So, just heard back from the Dr's office and they said the urine culture is now useless since she has already begun her antibiotic. We will have to do pee in a cup after the course of antibiotic to make sure it's all cleared up. I am going to start whistling every time she goes to the bathroom and maybe I can have her "pee broke" by then.

One last benefit to horses over kids is the fact that you can put them in a stall, field, pasture, paddock, round pen, hell I have seen folks tie them to a chain in the yard and GO DO SOMETHING.

In her favor Mallory is just adorable and very snuggly, and loves "huggies and kissies," she is a Mommy's girl. I must remind myself that she will grow out of this stage and be on to bigger and better ways to terrorize Mom and Dad.