Tonto Gusto

From Aug 1, 2006:

This morning we lost probably the wonderful horse I have ever met - Tonto Gusto.

Apparently sometime in the night Tonto twisted an intestine and was mostly gone when we arrived in the morning. I knew it was really really bad as soon as I saw his purple gums and noted that he seemed to have lost 150 lbs during the night. We did our last barn check at 11 pm last night and he was fine. Munching his hay, standing in front of the fan. Relaxed, hip cocked. This morning he was covered in sweat, stall was a mess. He was standing quietly, withdrawn inside himself, showing that thousand yard stare. He was so dehydrated his swollen suspensory was tucked up tight as a drum as his body hoarded every bit of fluid in his body for vital functions. We started him on fluids within MINUTES of arriving - the vet happened to be one barn over. Looking at him I knew he was already gone. A couple times he showed some life, nuzzled me and leaned into me as if saying good bye. I called Donny to be on the alert - I knew that we were both willing to do whatever it took to save him.

It became obvious that Tonto was not responding to fluids and painkillers. His heart rate and resps were incredibly elevated. He started shivering, his peripheral blood supply was shutting down. We had a hard time starting and maintaining a vein for the IV because his blood pressure was so low. He wasn't stable enough to put on a trailer to try to get him to the clinic 90 minutes away and operate. He was a poor surgical candidate even if we did get him there - Dr Boucher said he had never seen one as far gone as Tonto was come back and with a twist then subsequent rupture they usually go FAST. As we debated whether we could safely get him to surgery Tonto began to sway, and seemed about to take the decision out of our hands. We agreed when it was time to let him go that it was the kindest thing we could do for Tonto. Donny told me on the phone "I am willing to save this horse" - I said "I know you are, that's why I called you, I want to too." But all the willingness in the world couldnt change the reality of what we had to do. It was so awful - Donny was willing to spend the money on the horse but the horse was too far gone. The vet said usually by the time they start showing symptoms you have 1-3 hours to get to surgery for a successful outcome. There is no knowing what time this all started - sometime between 11 pm and 5 am he got to the thousand yard stare phase. He was standing quietly in the shadows of his stall as the first horses were walked in our barn. No one noticed anything amiss until I got there and walked down the shedrow checking on each horse.

Of course I asked myself a thousand questions.

Did I do something to cause this?

Had I done something amiss with our feeding program? The vet doesnt think so.

Does this have anything to do with Dan? We lost Dan, another older racehorse to the same thing earlier this year (Apr 20). It was a nightmare. Similarities are: both boys are ages 10 and 11 who loved racing more than anything.

Had I missed something last night that I should have seen? Some small sign that I might have seen and been able to have Tonto here with us now? Had I pissed off the God of Karma and he retaliated this way, taking away this wonderful horse? He was perfectly content last night at 11 pm, ate a peppermint and tried to take my finger with it in his haste.

What if I hadn't asked for this horse to come life with us, would he still be alive? Maybe this wouldn't have happened if he wouldn't have come here. Maybe something else would have happened instead.

What if I had come in earlier this morning, could we have saved him? Vet doesnt think so, but who can know.

I think this heat spell had something to do with it - but I have no definite answers. The vet says "They're horses, that happens. Nobody's fault." But it's easier to hear than believe.

I can say that in the short time Tonto lived with us we were extremely lucky to have known him personally. Tonto had an incredible sense of humor, loved being in the middle of the action in the barn, and was a very happy horse. He was a pleasure to work with, and graciously allowed to cater to his every whim. He loved his fan and hated the flies. He loved being treated like a big bad stakes horse, and had the most endearing "begging" face of any horse, ever. If he was in his stall eating hay and heard the crinkle of a peppermint wrapper he was "there," front and center. Those big floppy ears would instantly stand at attention and the cute radiated from every pore. He was a one in a million horse. He was smart, funny, endearing and quirky. Hated flies and loved his fan.

I fell head over heels in love with this horse during the short time he was here. Tonto was more than just a racehorse - he was a wonderful, kind soul with a heart as big as a mountain. I was lucky to have the time with him I did. Thank you for letting me have that time.



by actwithpride